Dating your Distraction

November 22, 2014 — 8 Comments

“Should I be patient? We have our differences, but sometimes they can be so hurtful and I don’t know what I should do.”

“I know they don’t love God, but I feel as though I can lead them to Christ.”

“We only had sex once, he’s only touched my breast/butt while kissing, or she knows how to make me feel good. I still love God, so do you have any advice on how to start living pure again? I don’t want to leave him/her, I really care about them.”

These are all questions and similar stories I come across daily and I know God is directing me in addressing this through a blog so you won’t feel alone and we all can grow from this. After all, most of us have been in these situations, where we were either in love with, or attracted to our distraction. Here are some things to take into consideration when we find out our relationship isn’t heading towards God or we ever think about dating someone who isn’t going to help us spiritually.

1. Love doesn’t lead to sin, lust does.
So many ask “well, what are these warning signs I should be looking for”, if you are a Christian you will know when God isn’t pleased. The Holy Ghost inside of us should convict us of our actions, which is why the bible says to not allow our actions to grieve the Holy Spirit within us (Ephesians 4:30).
We all sin because of our human nature, but a lifestyle of sin is what God wants you to avoid. If you see that this person is consistently causing lust, anger, frustration and confusion, they are not from God. Don’t get me wrong, they may be a well known preacher… But if they’re not pushing you closer to God, they are a distraction. Don’t be fooled by a title when the fruit is rotten. 

2. God will not send you someone that is in a relationship/married!
Some of you may have laughed or thought to yourself just now “well duh, who thinks that?” You’d be surprised how many married people are cheating because they are “bored” or they’ve allowed a distraction from outside to subtly creep in and destroy their marriage. Once in the bible David met a beautiful woman by the name of Abigail, but she was married to a fool (no seriously, the bible called him foolish. See 1 Samuel 25). I wouldn’t say David was “plotting” on her all along and waiting to make a move, but it was obvious he saw her as a good choice for a spouse. The bible says that the Lord killed Nabal and David ended up marrying Abigail. NOW LISTEN, this statement isn’t to justify stealing spouses or praying for someone to die because of your lust. I’m simply sharing with you that if God wanted you with someone, He would make it happen. But to disrespect someones marriage is not only rude, but disrespectful to the God that united them. 

Never be a back-up plan. So many are in relationships and are having sideline friends that they flirt/run to when their relationship is not going well. Don’t listen to the “I’m going to break-up with him/her for you”. If they leave someone for you, they will leave you for someone else that they think is better.

3. They’re not saved but….
I wonder if we ever think about the bigger picture rather than our feelings. If someone isn’t following Jesus, they are going to hell. No sugar coating. You need to understand that if you two are going in opposite directions, there is no way for you to grow (Read Amos 3:3). You cannot walk with someone you don’t agree with. So the question isn’t how will you bring them to God, its are you following God? If you had faith in Him you would know to trust His timing. Picking up some unsaved person because you’re lonely shows that you listen to emotions more than God.

Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers:for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness (2 Corinthians 6:14). 

This verse was a command, not a suggestion. Many obey the verses that pacify our flesh or make our ego get bigger but ignore the ones that create friction with our lifestyle. You cannot serve God and date someone serving the devil. They may not be bowing to satan, but by default we are born in sin and in need of salvation, and hell will be where we go if we don’t accept God’s biblical plan of salvation (not the man made stuff).

You can’t change anyone, only God can. Focus on praying for them to be saved, rather than trying to date them to God. And don’t compromise to keep them, they won’t see the need for Christ if your actions reject him.

4. Serve God, not your memories.
So many stay in expired situations because of great history. Not everyone in your past deserves to be in your future. When God says let go, let go. You’ll understand later. Abraham was told to kill what God promised Him. Abraham would’ve done it, but God stopped him, many of us won’t even unfollow them on social media because we want to know if who they’re dating looks better than us. Many are being destroyed by themselves. Maybe they hurt you before, but you’re hurting yourself now by keeping your mind occupied on it even after they’ve left. You miss them, but you do not need them. You may feel empty, but you need God, not the person who led you into sin and hurt.

I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus (Philippians 3:14).

5. You sometimes have to love them from a distance. 
No one likes to let go of what they like. You have to realize something though, God wouldn’t remove something from our life if it wasn’t deadly, useless, or He had something better to give. I know who I want in my life, but ultimately He knows who I need in my life.

There are some people in some of our lives that can take us out of God’s will with a text! That isn’t even a joke. You’d be surprised some of the texts and PICTURES you get when you’re trying to live a life of purity. You get a lot of negativity when God gives you a vision, even from those closest to you/family. Some people you just have to cut some ties with. Don’t be rude now, end it on good terms. But some numbers and people we follow need to be taken out of our life or they will always lead us back into a spiritual and emotional prison.

Don’t spend another day dating your distraction. Pray for them. And if you are the distraction, go and let God work on your heart. We sometimes point fingers and fail to accept our part in the dilemma. But my question to you today is, are you dating your distraction?


Men know exactly what they want!… Pretty bold statement and unfortunately, most readers are probably already disagreeing with me. The fact of the matter is, a real man may be unsure of some things, but they are never indecisive. Here is proof that a real man knows exactly what they want.

1. Jesus, the perfect man for us males to emulate, was purpose driven. 

Since the day Jesus came on Earth, he had a mission in mind – to redeem us… To win back HIS BRIDE! Jesus received more opposition in a day than most of us will see in a lifetime. Jesus only had a few people in his inner circle, but his love was stretched out to all. True love is when you don’t quit when friends betray you and the ones you are trying to help turn away from you. Jesus showed us that the agony of the cross was worth enduring to get what he loved, us.

2. A real man doesn’t need several women to be satisfied. 

A real man finds his contentment in Christ so he will never seek several women to complete him. He doesn’t flirt around and he doesn’t entertain every random girl who throw themselves at him. He is chasing God, not skirts. He knows loving one woman is enough and he chooses a woman that helps him spiritually.

3. A real man makes his intentions clear. 

If you have to guess what his plans with you are, there are no plans. A man who wants to date you for years before marrying you isn’t interested in you he’s just afraid of being single and just wants someone there all the time. Does a godly man rush marriage? No, but he isn’t going to need 10 years to know if you’re for him because he spends his time with God. God would have let him know way ahead of time if he should pursue you. Ladies, a WCW post and occasional dates doesn’t mean he’s in love. Never allow yourself to give covenant benefits to a convenient person. Men don’t take advantage of women, he respects God too much to mistreat his daughter.

4. A real man doesn’t give mixed signals. His life produces fruit.

Wise men are careful of what they entertain. They don’t want to preach Christ and live a life of sin.He wouldn’t seek a virtuous woman while following immodest women on social media. He wouldn’t lead a woman on if he didn’t want her in the future. He struggles, but he doesn’t allow mistakes to define him. He allows God to mold him daily.

5. Real men work and wait for what they love.

Let’s be honest, we’ve seen guys wait in line for Jordan’s, video games, and other unimportant things like new iPhones. We all know men are patient for what interests them. Jacob waited 7 years for the woman he loved and then was tricked with her sister, and continued another 7 years for her. He wasn’t foolish. He was man enough to seek what he wanted. Don’t think today you have to rush anything, good things take time.

If you’re a man, strive to do these things more. Ultimately, you want to live more like Jesus. Seek him before you seek a woman. If you’re a woman reading this, don’t settle for less. No man is perfect, but don’t feel you have to compromise and lower standards to entertain childish boys when God is preparing a real man for you. Grace and peace.


There is a process that every male must go through in life. Many boys never become men either because they allow people to control their lives or because they have never submitted to Christ and allowed him to mold them into the man He is preparing them to be. Men, you have to understand that you must go to God before a woman so He can process you. Ladies, you must understand that you cannot force a man to love you who isn’t ready, you will never be good enough.

1. Boys don’t know what they want.

Every boy has a desire to chase after something. However while immature, he will simply go after what looks and feels good not necessarily what is good for them. Which is why just like a parent, God has to teach him what to avoid and what is acceptable. Men, don’t rush this period. Allow God to develop you. Premature dating will lead to broken hearts or offering women what you can’t deliver.

2. Boys are emotionally driven, men are more focused.

Whenever a little boy doesn’t get His way, he’s either ready to fight, whine or shut down internally. That’s not the man God wants His daughters with. God has to work on him so he knows how to operate under pressure and how to lead a family without emotions clouding his judgment. Ladies, don’t spend time on a boy that has you being his second mother. If he can’t be calm and collected, he isn’t fit to lead you. Remember, love is patient and kind. An emotion driven man is the one who tends to abuse women when he can’t verbally express his thoughts or handle his emotions.

3. Men work for what they want, boys want handouts.

I don’t know how you feel about it, but seeing women in control and babying their man is a disgrace. Don’t get me wrong, ladies take care of your man, but no woman should be supporting a lazy man. Ladies shouldn’t have to be raising their husbands, she isn’t his mother. A real man may not have all the degrees in the world, but he knows how to provide, protect and pray for his family. Men, make sure you’re stable with God. A degree doesn’t sustain a relationship, but a connection to Christ will.

4. Good men are hard to find.

No woman should be pursuing a man. So if you think you found a good one, you did not. A real man understands it’s his role to lead in the pursuit. He doesn’t wait on a woman to come to him out of loneliness but he finds a woman with a heart for Christ and ambition that he can grow with.

5. Godly men are under attack.

If you’re paying attention, you can see that there are more women in church than men. And the men you do see in church are either being pressured into fornication, homosexuality, marriage before they’re ready, drugs, alcohol etc. Some of these influences come from within the church as well. You will never understand the struggles a man faces, they need prayer. Don’t say “there are no good men”, and not pray that God rises up men like David, Paul, Samuel, etc. Your prayer can be the breaking point of God saving someone’s husband, child, father. Men are falling, so many are comfortable in secret sins and honestly feel trapped. Prayer and accountability will bring them out.

There’s a process men must go through, pray that they submit to Jesus before trying to lead a woman or any type of ministry. Grace and peace.

- Tovares Grey